That’s Nuts!

A few nuts are sitting around the roaster shooting the breeze.  The cashew says to the walnut: “Damn you’re ugly!”  To which the walnut responds: “Go get bent! I’m way more nutritious than you”.  “In fact Chinese medicine has used me for thousands of years to strengthen the kidneys, relieve asthma and alleviate constipation in the elderly.  Beat that, you seed masquerading as a nut!”  The cashew replies: “I’ll have you know that I am high in phosphorus, magnesium and Vitamin B1 you troll face!”  Unperturbed, walnut continues, “I hate to rain on your parade fellah, but you are also three times higher in carbohydrates than I.  Can you say diabetic?”  About this time macadamia nut chimes in “Come on guys be nice, you’re both acting a little nuts”.  “Shut up fat-head” they both retort.  Slightly ticked, macadamia responds “in addition to being low-carb, and having the highest monounsaturated fat content of any nut, I also lower LDL cholesterol, and am prized for my ability to soften skin due to my high omega 7 (palmitoleic acid) oil content.”  At this point, a brazil nut walked up to the roaster after overhearing the conversation.  “Why are you guys acting like a bunch of cracked insecure losers?”  “We all know that I’m the one who should be bragging as I have the highest saturated fat content, which contrary to popular belief is actually beneficial.” “In addition, I’m also low-carb and have the highest selenium content of any of you.”  “Hell you could even call me a pseudo-oncologist since my selenium levels benefit many types of cancer including breast and prostate!” “and…I’m also the biggest of all of us.” As Brazil nut continued expounding on his virtues, the others slowly shriveled by comparison.  Then peanut walked into the room and silence ensued.  “Hey boys, is Brazil roasting you guys yet again?”  The others nodded sullenly.  Peanut then turned to Brazil nut and gave him a withering look that implied a tired sort of knowing, causing Brazil to sweat.  “Go on and tell them then” he said.  To which Brazil, now deflated, replied: “ Actually, size doesn’t matter.” “Peanut contains 30 essential nutrients such as vitamins B1(thiamin), B3 (niacin), B5 (pantothenic acid), B9 (Folate) as well as many amino acids, resveratrol, CoQ10, trace minerals and high protein”  “He is the most nutritious.”  Peanut then said “I don’t really understand what all of you are arguing about.  After all, we should be thankful that we are not soybeans.  Can you imagine what it must be like to be owned by Monsanto? Now that’s nuts!”

Be Well.

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